Franklin Effect

Benjamin Franklin had an enemy in the legislature — a man who snubbed him. Franklin did not flatter him or fight him. He asked to borrow a rare book from the man's library. The man lent it, and they were friends ever after.

The psychology underneath runs counter to instinct: we assume we do favours for people we like. It also runs the other way — we like people we have done favours for. The mind, having performed a kind act, justifies it afterwards: I helped him, so he must be worth helping. Behaviour writes the attitude.

This reverses the standard advice. To win someone over, do not shower them with gifts; ask them for a small, honest favour — their opinion, their recommendation, their hand for one minute.

Do not abuse it; a manipulative request smells. But the principle is true and generous at heart: letting people help you is itself a gift. It tells them they are needed, which is the deepest compliment one person can pay another.